gwensarah and johanny
A fading summer
01:15 & 20 January 2003

Can taste the desperation in your breath, I swear that I'll protect you
if you'd only look into my eyes..-Legendary Pink Dots

A ghra, a amhain..

Avalon plays now like it did for you, it's hard not to remember a procession, hard not to remember the day rain fell..echoing the emptiness that was now a part of my heart.

I never knew, you see. I never wanted to know those last moments. To know, to feel, to taste bleakness and despair. Better to not think of it at all, to mourn you but not allow myself to share with you the loss of the battle raging in your heart.

Drifting through the days, trying hard not to lose myself in yesterdays but too uncertain to look towards tomorrow. Somehow wishing we still had today. Loving leads to mourning eventually while we can only hope that it's a distant tomorrow which causes sorrow and farewell.

So many lost days, so many shared ones..and the memories march a procession in my heart. Close my eyes and slip away, close my eyes and see you again, if only for this brief flickering instant in a shadow of dream. Once whispered words against the murmur of your heart, if I whispered them now into the stillness of the night could they somehow find their way to you? If I looked to find you would it be in the wind against my hair, or in a shooting star, or in sunlight reflected on water?

I'd tell you now, what I should have all along..

It was never your fault..and you kept me whole, you held the broken threads that was my soul and kept them safe until I could piece them together.

I know now what it cost you to do so.

And so I unlock the door that holds back those last days..
I'll walk with you as far as I dare to go..

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