gwensarah and johanny
what a long way back
16:57 & 19 February 2005

one would think I'd have lot's to say..it's been so long. yet, I sit hear listening to Beck and the words to obscure songs are in my head. not my words. I also wonder at the transience (sp) of d-land. where did everyone go? To some I say good riddance to bad rubbish, but Solieri gone? It's so very sad. Lives maybe although I've been offline the better part of a year and I would not call what I have a life? Purgatory? A sentance? Being the one on trial? Maybe.

My other sister is getting married..to the eyes of the family, that's two down and it's not like the other one is getting married (meaning me). Whatever heh..I'm in the middle of two very different sides of the street..on one side, it's happy rings and strings and bells or at the very least a sort of settled contentment. On the other side it's bad bad relationships that scare me to hear about. So yeah, I'm cautious either way. God, we are so damn programmed to want a mate, home and family. No one ever talks about how great it is to eat cereal for dinner or watch whatever you want or not having to concede anything to anyone..when I bring those things up, my settled friends/family tell me, "those are things single people say to make themselves feel better." Hmmmm..well then.

I had a relationship that sort of soured me on the whole male gender (which is rather something to get over, yes I know) I mean, he was selfish, childish, selfcentered...I could go on and on and on..since our breakup many months ago I think I've just been skipping gleefully in my freedom. But when it rains and I listen to Brighter, I waver..

And then shrug..because I can't venture there. Not until I get my shit together, because right now..with my health and my unhappiness at my environment (i.e. the hell that is living with my mother..a story for another entry methinks.) I can't bring much to a relationship except a big ass black rain cloud.

And who in their right mind would want that?

So..what else is rattling around my head? The semi-new Interpol is lovely..oh oh and that Placebo singles collection. I lurrrrrrve it.

Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends is hilarious, Gilmore Girls on Tuesday broke my cynical little heart, debating going to Coachella but damn, the tickets!! 80 bucks for one day of scorching heat and skanky cinnabon girls? I just dunno.

I'd love a nap but I'm not at home and how rude is that to just fall into someone else's bed heh.

Oh and yeah, to all those who asked for my address:

P.O. Box 378 Running Springs, CA 92382 USA

Send me things..pleeeeease.

Cause my burday is in 23 days heh

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